Oh woe is me, for that is where I have been. I have had a moderately bad cold a near fatal case of man-flu. I still sound hoarse as hell rather husky and sexy, so I shall make my fortune (obviously) over the next few days by offering “Lauren Bacall phone sex”. Either that or I’ll continue to wander around the house amusing myself by saying things like “In Soviet Russia, kettle boils you”.
I have spent this evening eating (someone else’s) Dairy Milk and drinking hot tea (made by the chocolate owner) whilst looking for a nice chunky knit hooded scarf to snuggle into during the winter months. I was tucked under a duvet in a comfy chair and was ill prepared for the shocking discovery (don’t forget my weakened state) that Urban Outfitters sell one for £250. TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY QUID!! FOR A SCARF! A rather bloody ugly one at that. You could buy a flock of feckin’ sheep to snuggle up to for less than that.
Anyway, none of that is what I planned to tell you. Apart from the fact that I have been clinging desperately to life (did I mention that I’ve not been well?). Which leads me to the fact that I need to catch up with my email. If you think you’re being ignored, worry not. You’ll get a reply over the next day or so. Unless of course you are the chap who emailed me about “doing intercourse and other sex stuff” in which case don’t hold your breath.
Coupons always remind me of my Nan. You’d find her sat at the kitchen table with the daily paper (after Grandad had finished with it of course) and a pair of scissors, scouring them for any sign of coupons (she pronounced it kewpons) for anything at all, didn’t matter whether or not it was something she’d usually buy or whether it would get used. If there was a coupon for it, it was going on the list.
Anyway, that’s approximately 400 light years away from the thing I was going to tell you.
Yes I know. I’ve been conspicuous by my absence. Sorry about that. However, I’m still here and as Granny Weatherwax would say, I aten’t dead.
I have moved house and been without broadband. Speaking of which, did you know that if you phone the Priory and tell them that you need help because it’s been two weeks, three days, four hours and twelve minutes without adequate internet access and you need their help, they laugh themselves into a coma? No, neither did I until recently. I don’t know, the quality of care is deplorable these days.
Anyway, I’m here. I’m wading through my collection of unanswered emails and I’ll be updating my site sometime over the next few days. Incidentally, isn’t it just typical that my email had been very quiet in the couple of weeks before I moved, but as soon as I would have trouble answering it, it went mad. If you have sent me an email over the last couple of weeks and not had a reply, please let me know.
I’m currently only available for a limited number of outcalls in the Inverness area, so if that is what you’re after, just let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
I have just discovered that one of the spam filters my email has to make it’s way past has been “improved”. What this means is that for the last couple of weeks, I have been receiving an awful lot of rubbish, but a minimal amount of real email.
If you have sent me anything during the last couple of weeks and not received a reply, please try again. I am trying to catch up with some of it, but it’s a lot to work through.
I can only apologise to those of you for whom the date you were enquiring about has now passed.
I know how it happened, it was a default setting on something (I’ve changed it now), but it means that if you emailed me more than a week ago and are waiting for a reply, I need you to resend your email because I don’t have it any more. 😦
If we made arrangements via email more than a week ago, can you please send me an email with the details? Just in case I haven’t put it in my diary yet.
Thank you, Sorry etc *Goes off to kick computer again*