Coupons? Seriously?

Coupons always remind me of my Nan. You’d find her sat at the kitchen table with the daily paper (after Grandad had finished with it of course) and a pair of scissors, scouring them for any sign of coupons (she pronounced it scissors_clipping_coupons_hg_whtkewpons) for anything at all, didn’t matter whether or not it was something she’d usually buy or whether it would get used. If there was a coupon for it, it was going on the list.

Anyway, that’s approximately 400 light years away from the thing I was going to tell you.

 

I received an email the other day from a chap who has decided that the one thing missing in the adult industry is a coupon site.

Hey there,  I’m near on 95% finished building the world’s first Adult Groupon website.
I’ve called it Scroopon.

Well, full marks for initiative sweetie and the name is umm… inspired.

He went on to inform me (and probably a gazillion other working girls) that

Is just like Groupon, but we’re offering heavily discounted Adult services instead of the more traditional facials and massages you might expect to get offered via email from Groupon.

You’re offering? Really?

As I know you work in the industry – and whether you’re independent, at an agency or a club – I want you to be part of my new adult group buying revolution.

Well my dear. You can want all you like. In fact, it’s good to want things, it builds character.

Scroopon is kicking off in the UK first, to be closely followed by the US, then Aussie.
My sole restriction is I will only ever promote 1 girl/offer per city per week, except in the major cities like London, Manchester or NY where it will be 1 girl per area per week (e.g. 1 in Mayfair, 1 in Earls Court etc etc).
To drive traffic to you, I’ll be sending your offers to my own company director database of close on 230,000 blokes all over the UK each week. Will be exactly the same in the US and Aus.

Fair enough, I suppose. Although I do hope this database of blokes have actually signed up. Otherwise you may find that they’re a tad peeved at you.

So if your offer is sexy enough, in every sense, whoever is featured that week will get a LOT of business.
Best thing?
These will be real-time deals that attract customers exactly when you need them.
Yep, just like Groupon, your offer for the week must be hugely discounted but like I said it will be more than made up for by a flock of business that week. Business some other girl in your City might have got instead of you.

So to get featured, it’s “best offer wins”? Ooh! Put me down for quick wanks behind a bus shelter at 50p a pop… Not!

Let me know you’re up for earning more Scroopon style by filling out:
>>> this simple form <<<.

I’ll probably pass on that to be honest.

Oh, costs absolutely zilch to sign up, so dont worry about that.

I wasn’t

See you inside.
– M***

No… You won’t.

p.s. Will be a great way to fill up those quiet Sunday and Monday nights too!

I happen to like those, ta very much.

It may surprise this chap to know that I and all the other escorts I’ve seen discussing this are quite happy with the number of bookings we take. We price ourselves to suit the way we want to work and don’t offer “quickie” bookings. The girls who do offer these things and see more clients are probably too busy to bother with this. We are also quite fussy about whose bookings we accept and the idea of running an offer which would lead to a whole day/week/whatever of chaps “with an eye for a bargain” turning up by the coach load with their coupons clutched tightly in their sweaty mitts causes a collective shudder which probably has seismologists the world over sitting up and taking notice.

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2 thoughts on “Coupons? Seriously?

  1. amyvergnes

    Hahahahaha – I got that one too. Obviously what I want more than anything in the whole wide world is a lengthy, shuffling queue of eager cheapskates waiting patiently at my door for their £20 half hour special, or whatever. Twat.

  2. Steve

    There my be more than one about. 1 launched in the US called idealgasm. Launched July 1 . Found than on one of the adult grous on linkedin

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