Male Escorts

Disclaimer: This is just my opinion and it may be wrong¹

If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard

I reckon I’d make a great male escort, don’t you think so?

I’d have a significant amount of pennies.

What’s your point/the problem? I hear you ask. Well, there are several, to be honest.

For starters, the men who have the most unshakeable belief that they would be perfect male escorts, tend to be the ones who are 5’2”, average lookingGigolo and (most importantly) humourless little personality vacuums. It’s a bit X-Factor (No, I don’t bloody watch it, but I’ve seen a few of the auditions). The ones who shout the loudest about how great they are turn out to be tone deaf and couldn’t carry a tune in a sodding wheelbarrow.

Whilst I won’t say there is no market for straight male escorts, I will tell you that it is a teeny tiny market and it is awash with bright eyed hopefuls. As far as I know, even the successful guys do it part time and have another job to pay the rent. My guess (and that’s all it is) would be that there is a small demand for two types of male escort.

  1. The educated, well spoken, reasonably handsome, good listener. The perfect gentleman who can listen to your problems, massage your feet, snuggle up on the sofa and can accompany you to any social occasion without drawing attention to himself for the wrong reasons and will have you fellow W.I. members frothing at the mouth with jealousy. Not because he’s a young stud, (women – in general – don’t really work like that. We would point, laugh and pour scorn upon the woman who turned up with a 20 year old shag toy. We expect women to keep a toy like that chained up in the bedroom where he belongs.) but because he was the perfect gentleman. The coveted Mr Darcy².
  2. The 20-30 year old buff, tanned shag toy. He needs to be skilled in bedroom department and damned easy on the eye. He won’t be taken out in public, but by Christ, he’ll be ridden hard and put away wet. Winking smile

The thing is though, that in general, women don’t want the first type to be a charade. We want a man to be all of those things to us because he wants to be. Not because we’ve just handed him a wad of twenties. The exception (of course) being school reunions or other gatherings which will include every snotty, snide, judgemental bitch we’ve ever wanted to get one up on, in which case we don’t care as long as they’re all dripping with jealousy. Unfortunately, by the time we are old enough and financially in the right place to go for the second type, an awful lot of women would be mortified to get naked in the company of a buff young man, just in case he is thinking “Oh my GOD! You’re so old and quite frankly a bit saggy!”. I mean, it’s all good fun until you catch him reaching for the Viagra and then there’ll be tears before bedtime, you mark my words. However, there’s always good lingerie, so ladies, if you happen to stumble across this post. Get yourself down to La Senza (other lingerie shops are available), get your twenties out and bloody go for it girl. You only live once, after all.

Anyway, the point I was going to make, which has got completely lost in an avalanche of waffle, is this. Boys, go for it if you want, but don’t rely on it for income. For instance, my ex – a tall strapping chap, pretty good looking, in his early 30s at the time – advertised his services. He’d seen what I was earning and decided that he wanted in on the action. He never made a sodding penny. Nothing. Not so much as an email or a call. Not even a timewaster. However, he missed a trick. He was bisexual and if he’d announced that in his advertising, things may have turned out very differently. And THAT dear wannabe male escorts is the thing.

You wanna be a male escort? Fine, you go for it sweetie.

You wanna make real money as a male escort? Lube up, bend over and take one for the team! Winking smile

¹ I have been wrong before. 26th February 1997, if you must know.

² If Colin Firth ever does advertise his services, I will be going for a long booking faster than you can say “Hey! Who emptied the ISA?”

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5 thoughts on “Male Escorts

  1. Richard

    There are “special cases” for the male escort, I gather! A smutty piece in one of the Hong Kong papers a few years back, indicated that there was a “tennis club” on the Island much frequented by the chinese wives of leading chinese businessmen, which provided smooth be-suited European males, for a good price. I was tempted to audition, but decided that I probably wasn’t smoothy enough!

    1. Amanda Post author

      There are indeed. As I said, it definitely exists, but guys who sign up for it tend to think that they’ll be in huge demand 24/7

  2. Douglas fox

    Hmm I used to think the same until recently when (i am a gay male escort) I have started having enqiuies from women and from women for their husbands(them to watch). Also travelling to turkey I have been amazed at the single women/small parties of women who very obviously are being erm serviced by young men who are most definitely paid.
    I was also made aware of several very middle class women who have what they called arrangements.
    So I think women do buy sex but that the Market much more subtle than the men hiring women Market. I think that this is where male escort wannabes make the mistake.
    It’s a Market that is almost invisible but it certainly exists very much to my surprise.

    You should put this on harlots as well :-).

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