Squonuts and other less important stuff

IMG_0582Yes really. I have no room to talk, because anyone who knows me will tell you that I amuse myself on a daily basis by making up new words for things and bastardising the words we have been very kindly provided with already, but squonuts? I mean, it’s not as if all other doughnuts are the same shape. We don’t feel the need to call them roundnuts or longnuts, so why bother?


Right, news… What have I got for you…

Well, as you can see. I have

revamped the site. Actually, I’ve done it three times, but just wasn’t happy with it. I know it’s not finished and any escort directory who ditches my listing because their link hasn’t shown for a few days, rather than just reminding me to replace it can kiss my almost geriatric and extremely lily-white butt! Any who show a little patience and consideration will see their banner reappear almost magically (ok, maybe not) over the next few days.

I’m dabbling in  people battering these days as well, in case you’re interested. Well, I shouldn’t really say dabbling. People will think I am clueless and I can assure you, I’ve reddened many a posterior and applied probably hundreds of nipple clamps over the years, just not at work. So if you have an irresistible urge to be spanked/whipped/plugged into the mains by 6’2” of high heeled domme, just give me a call.

Oh yes, and speaking of giving me a call. I will be changing my number soon. I know that I shouldn’t really and that any business guru would jump up and run shrieking from the room at the very idea, but mine is no ordinary business, so I need to shed the fuck-nuggets who have saved my number and send me texts at 6 monthly intervals asking the same questions. The same questions of course include such beauties as:

  • Is this Amanda? (Always tempted to send back something along the lines of “No, this is her 6’6” rugby prop forward boyfriend, how may I help you?” I really must learn to behave)
  • U r hooker (I assume this is a question despite the lack of question mark, because if it’s a statement, then there really is no hope left for humanity)
  • How much 4 a good tym? (RTFW my friend)
  • U do anal? (No no no no no no no no no no… getting it yet?)
  • Can we fuck in your car? (I get this a lot for some reason)
  • Can I see you now? (No, I am currently wearing my cloak of invisibility and anyway,  I require notice for an appointment, so EXPELLIARMUS! Ha!)
  • Grump grump moan whinge bitch (cont. page 273)

I have taken to answering the phone with greetings such as “Ross-shire home for pregnant nuns” and “Tart Hut, Amanda speaking. May I take your order please?”. I should probably apologise for that, but I see it as fair warning. If you can’t handle that, you probably don’t want to be left alone with me. Smile